4 April 2012

RHOV Recap: Bitches, Bullies and Botox

The Real Housewives of Vancouver premiered a few hours ago and the ladies did not disappoint.  There was high fashion, excessive drinking and a healthy dose of drama...three things we have grown to love about this reality show franchise.  I promised I'd recap, so here goes the longggg recap of Episodes 1 and 2.

We started off with the standard for any RH series premiere:  getting to know the ladies and seeing the excessive wealth in which they live.  Generally speaking, the Housewives are known for being "fake" wealthy, but I think these ladies are mostly true to the actual balances in their bank accounts.  Or at least 2 of them are.  Ronnie has 5 houses in one of the wealthiest postal codes in Canada, West Vancouver.  Five!  Reiko has an amazing car collection and lives in an uppity neighbourhood in Vancouver with her husband and 2 daughters (Ashanti like the singer and Alizee like the liquor).  I thought it was hilarious that she refused to divulge the "rough" suburb of Vancouver that she grew up in.  C'mon Reiko, it's Vancouver, how bad are the suburbs here for goodness sake?  It's not freaking Compton, I can tell you that!  

As for the others...well Jody owns a boutique with over priced and over the top clothing in West Vancouver.  And a muffin catering company that makes $40,000 a day (?).  Mary probably doesn't collect a lot of royalties from being a former Canadian pop star (seriously Mary, don't put that at the top of your resume) and Christina...well she claims she makes lots of money off her 2 divorces but I beg to differ.  I could have sworn that orange dress is from BCBG, and not the real BCBG...the outlet.  A true gold digger would be sporting at least some Eurotrash brand like Roberto Cavalli!

Oh Mary.  Sometimes your enemies are disguised as your friends!
After we all stopped wagging our tongues at the embarrassement of "riches" in which the ladies live, a girls trip was quickly arranged (Whistler, Nita Lake Lodge) by self proclaimed "Queen" Jody, who seriously needs to stop wearing tacky furs and tiaras.  What was that purple thing? Really Jody, less is more my dear.  Anyway when everyone got together, the claws came out so quickly I wasn't even prepared for it.  What was stranger is that these ladies really are very loosely connected, put together as a group only because they are cast on the show together.  But that actually seemed to fuel the drama even more.


It all started over lovely dinner in the private cellar at Araxi (great restaurant by the way).  Somehow we got onto the topic of Mary's recent breakup and the unfortunate fact that she's still sleeping with her ex while he's sleeping with the woman he cheated on her with that he is now in a relationship with.  Um?!?  I actually think Mary seems really sweet, so when Jody's claws came out, it was hard to watch.  Even harder to stomach was that her so called best friend Ronnie didn't even stand up for her and seemed to relish that someone else other than her was dishing out the tough love.  Mary was understandably pretty pissed about this.

Ronnie:  best friend or secret foe?
The next day, the conversation continued over lunch and Ronnie continued to sit back while Jody skewered Mary about her relationships.  Again, painful to watch and not a single person stood up for Mary.  Not cool.  I can't say for sure, but this seems like one of the few times in housewives history where everyone sat back as someone got ganged up on.  Most of the time people jump in on the bullying action or on a rare occassion start defending the "victim", but absolutely nothing from these ladies.  Not a single peep.   Jody, in her defense, didn't save all her snarkiness for Mary.  She let a few comments fly Christina's way, namely about Christina spending so much time in the bedroom that she can't breathe fresh air without choking.  Some would say this is fair game, given how Christina claims that she's not a fan of monogamy.   But Christina took offense, and felt bullied.  Maybe Jody was mortally offended that Christina ordered a round of drinks called "Trophy Wife" without asking her if she wanted to be called a "Trophy Wife"?

Episode two started with the aftermath of the Whistler trip and a bonding of the single ladies, Christina and Mary, over mean mean "Queen Jody", and planning of Christina's 30th birthday party.  The two of them went shopping for dog accessories, and later over a drink decided that they would each have to confront Jody for her actions.  And when better to do it then at Christina's birthday? 

The middle chunk of the episode was basically more lunch dates re-hashing the Whistler trip, as well as Reiko and Ronnie both being separately stood up by Christina, who it seems was insecure about turning 30.  But that quickly faded when her gay bff Kevin surprised her with a round of Botox.   Because that's what friends are for, right?  Cheering us up with injectables when we are feeling old and depressed.  
Christina, post birthday Botox.
As we continued on to Christina's birthday, Mary got up the nerve to confront Jody at the party.  When she did, it really got her nowhere, except that Jody again recommended that she go to therapy instead of purchasing more handbags to fill the emotional void one has when they are single.  I have to say, that was the best line of the night.  When Christina (finally) showed up for her party and confronted Jody, she was also told to go to therapy.  When a person does nothing but recommend you go to therapy when you confront them about their hurtful actions, something tells me that person is the one that needs to go to therapy.  Or in Jody's case, shock therapy to stop her from wearing all those effing crazy princess/queen get-ups.  

Jody seemed to either get bored with the party or the fact that everyone was paying attention to Christina, and exited the party soon after, with Mary and Reiko not far behind.  After they left, things got a little wild...!  We ended the episode with Christina in her underwear and a tee-shirt from Ronnie that said "Golddigger" across the front while Ronnie gleefully took pictures and videos of her parading around nearly naked and in various compromising positions.  Jody may be the "Queen", but it is clear that Ronnie is the shit-disturber and the real ringleader.  Bring on Episode 3!

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